Oops…I forgot I told Kara she could borrow my laptop to take with her to San Francisco last week, which is why there was no update on Monday…sorry…we did get all the results back and we were good to go (barely good to go, but good to go nonetheless) on chemo round 6…we’re supposed to start chemo round 7 (last one) on Nov. 4th and then the doctor says we’ll “restage” the disease and go from there…restage?????!!!!!!!  Woahhhhh!!!!  When I signed up for this gig it was 7 rounds and that’s it…end of treatment…there was no talk about restaging and going from there…I didn’t ask about details in the hospital about what that meant (though it makes me suspicious especially since Cathy K whom we normally see when I go in for a visit with my oncologist said that “I realllllllly need to talk to Dr. Rao and not her (she’s the nurse practitioner) the next time I come in” huh yeah)…anywho I don’t really want to know what that means right now b/c frankly  round 6 chemo sucked…

WARNING…about to get deep and bitter, not a normal tone to my postings, but I’m tired and not up to pretending today so stop reading now if you don’t want to hear it. 

Relatively it was the longest chemo session it seemed like…I still feel pretty icky today…though I must admit that I’m not really trying to hard to rebound right now b/c well mainly b/c I’m too tired to try to rebound…every spare ounce of energy I have right now (which is minimal) is spent on simply keeping my head upright and focusing on not breaking down into a sobbing mass of hysteria…and right now that takes literally all of my concentration so I’m hopeful of being able to concentrate on getting better soon but seeing as I’m beyond stressed out, my expectations aren’t really that high.  We go into the dr. tomorrow for blood counts and neulasta shot then we actually see Dr. Rao on Friday to talk about final chemo and where we go from here…I have to say that round 7 chemo is seriously up in the air for me…I’m done…physically and emotionally I can’t take another round like this past one so we’ll see…between Mama’s poor health (I swear she had a heartattack yesterday but damn that woman is more stubborn than me about going to the doctor), the INCREDIBLE stress of way too many people in a small house (5 adults 1 2 year old and only 1 adult working), and my feeling like I’ve had the flu for a month along with a leg that is getting increasingly MORE painful, not less I’ve pretty much had it…and there you have it…the main reason I haven’t written anything in so long is mainly that I’m tired of putting on a happy face, I’m tired of saying “Oh, I’m fine” or “Oh, I’m ok, not great, but ok” when quite frankly I’m not…sooooo for future reference if I haven’t had a good day like my last post, you probably won’t see any posts or updates (unless something major medically occurs) for a while b/c I’m tired.  I’m just tired.